i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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