Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
