Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can't just leave with hair like that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
