Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
