an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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