It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
