Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
someone owes me an orgasm
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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