I bet he comes in French.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
