It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
