I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
