you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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