Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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