Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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