I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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