Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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