# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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