You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
