we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
