I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
