I hate all girls vehemently.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
