Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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