they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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