Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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