i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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