i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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