I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
