dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
