she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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