pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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