on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I sprained my soul last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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