I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
