We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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