i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
