So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I checked into jail on foursquare
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
