Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
