I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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