Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize