if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
