sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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