dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
