I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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