words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
