I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
