I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
