I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
