I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You don't make any sense
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