I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
