so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
