There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
