I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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