why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
