she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
