You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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