I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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