I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
