I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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