We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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