just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
