Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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