No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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