We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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