i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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