By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
