So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
