Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have aggressive nipples.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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