the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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