Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
